Above the Renaissance Faire grounds, the sun hid behind the dreary cloudscape of Irwindale, CA. I could hear cackling and crackling of horse hooves, paupers, armor, mugs and swords in the distance. My new Jordans tip-toed across the dirt paved rocky parking lot. Into the peril, I travelled with my friend, Tina Ashvanian, who had issued a challenge to me. The challenge was that I would be forced to accompany her to Renaissance Faire. In return, Tina would accompany me on an epic Sneaker Quest to find a pair of Nike Air Mag sneakers from Back to the Future. The battle was set: her love for The Tudors vs. my passion for heat kicks.
Tina flashed a conspicuous smile and said, “This is the greatest day of my life! Are you ready?” I didn’t respond, I just gulped. Before I could collect myself, I heard in the distance, “Bones Sire, may I interest you in some fresh bones? Come hither,” said the dedicated LARPing (Live Action Role Play) bone saleswoman. |
After mentally hitting rock bottom, we were beached at the shore of a sea of tents. I was skeptical about whether the tents were props or the real deal. As we came closer, paupers sprung out of the campgrounds. They called themselves Clan McCullon. This Clan McCullon, had been in "London" for seven weeks (in real time). They decided, voluntarily, to stay in the Renaissance for seven weeks of deliberate self-deprecating role play (and not the good kind). I was shocked but low key disgusted. I couldn’t do it anymore, I had had enough, it was time to go back to the future. My head swiveled for the nearest exit.
Contrary to my predilection, Tina had conceived a nefarious scheme: To make me watch a Renaissance play, and drag me to the costume store to get dressed up in Renaissance attire. I was able to shake the cross dressing however she kindly dragged me to the play. The issue was no longer about the “festivities”; my heterosexual manhood was being challenged. With a well-observed running count of four black people in attendance, I was ready to dip as quick as a runaway slave. On the way to the play, an oasis in this desert: the food court. Then, and only then did I make my first familiar connection. I rushed to it and decided to eat my anguish away. |
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