A Guide to Hanging With Your Grandparents

For many, your relationship to your grandparent is like your relationship to your schoolteacher: you know they have a life outside of you, you just don’t know what it is. To you, they’re just someone who is around to tell you what to do every now and then. It’s hard to imagine that they were once young like you, much less that they have a personality outside of slipping you a 20 every other weekend. Due to many different circumstances, I have found myself living with my grandpa and I have been delighted to learn that he is much more than just my mom’s dad. However, it took a while to get used to it, so without further ado, here is the official guide of how to hang out with your grandpa.

My grandpa, Quan Zhong Li was born in Guangdong, China in 1943 and immigrated to New York City in 1987 with my grandma, mom and uncle. He worked throughout New York City and Fort Lauderdale, Florida as a manager and overseer of productions. I don't know much about his time working in America, but I'm guessing he was pretty good at his job because even just last year, decades after retiring, his old boss asked him to come back. When my uncle had his first kid, my grandpa and grandma moved back to New York City to help raise my cousins. Now, he's settled down in Staten Island with my uncle's family.

I've had the pleasure of staying with him these past few months. I've learned that he has so much more of a goofy sense of humor than I thought and is always as cool as a cucumber. His effortless swagger is complemented by his consistent wearing of stylish collared shirts and polos. Never one for jeans, he always outclasses you with his array of colored slacks. Hanging out with him is amazing because I got to learn some juicy family gossip and make fun of our relatives, including his very own kids (aka my mother).

STEP ONE
It’s okay, they don’t bite, and they probably like you.

Let’s face it, if your grandparents hated you, they wouldn’t visit. You’re their flesh and blood, they’d do anything for you. The best thing about hanging out with your grandparents is that they just want to do whatever you want to do. They’re happy to have someone to hang out with.

You're finally at an age where you can they can actually talk to you and not just have you mumble on about your coloring assignment in third grade. Let's be honest here, they didn't hang up your doodles because you were the reincarnation of Van Gogh, they did it because they love you and are proud of you. They love their kids, so you being their kid's kid means love², right?

STEP TWO
Stick with the basics.

Another option can be a movie. Language barriers shouldn’t be a problem, just get them some subtitles, they’ve been figuring out English their whole lives. *Spoiler Alert* They probably know more English than you think so don’t be talking about them behind their back. If you’re lucky to speak the same language, now would be a great time to work on those skills.

What did you do with your grandparents all the time? For me, I always went to get Dim Sum with my grandpa nearly every weekend. During the pandemic, he was not able to go out to get Dim Sum very often, but now he has gotten vaccinated and we found a restaurant that is not crowded.

STEP THREE
Consistency.

Your grandparents are old, they’re over being spontaneous. They’ve settled down to beautiful, domesticated life. Chance are they're retired and they haven't had to go to work for decades. If they’re not from here, immigrating to America is enough spontaneity for a lifetime.

As a young person, you may be tempted to drag your grandparents along wild adventures with you, but chances are, they've already done what you want to do when they were young or they just want to have a calm day. I'm only 22 and my knees already hurt. Let's not torture our grandparents with extraneous exercise.

Have breakfast with them every day at a certain time. We get dim sum every day at 1:30 p.m. During lockdown, this daily outing gets me as excited as a dog going for a walk and I am sure he feels the same. We take walks in the mall and don't even buy anything, we just enjoy getting those steps in. We watch TV together at the same time while he reads his daily news and I knit a scarf. We eat dinner every day together at 7. We sleep around 11 and do it all over again. Circadian rhythm is everyone’s friend and consistency is key.

STEP FOUR
Ask them about themselves.

The main reason you don’t know anything about them is because you never asked. They had a whole life before you were born. The things I knew about my grandpa before I hung out with him were that he smokes, he likes dim sum and he used to make watches.

Now, I know that he not only smokes, but he also makes his own cigarettes. I’ve learned dim sum is not just a place to eat, but a place to socialize and he still makes watches! Going to dim sum with my grandpa is like going to a club for Chinese grandparents, they sit around and brag about their grandkids, talk about their past and discuss their future plans.

You don't know how proud your grandparents are of you until you get the sweet compliments told to you by other grandparents. It is truly the best feeling in the world.

STEP FIVE
Do it all over again before you can’t...

I missed my chance to hang out deeper with my grandma before she passed away. My grandpa was a lonely drifting soul for a while afterwards. You’re lucky to have them and they want to hang out with you. There is so much wisdom to be shared and just because they’re old doesn’t mean they are an old head. I’ve been blessed to see where I get my sense of humor from.

Conclusion

Don’t think of these as steps, but more like a loose guideline to hanging out with your grandparents. As you get older, you are probably beginning to realize that you are just your parents’ mini-mes. Well, then, that means that your parents are just your grandparents' mini-mes. You are likely a similar person to your grandparents when they were your age. You’re now old enough to give them a little thanks for all those times they bought you the toys that your parents wouldn’t buy you. They’ve spent your whole life spoiling you, now it’s your turn to spoil them.

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